06 April 2016

Lets Talk About...Fake Friends

This is a bit of a different post today, it’s something personal that I wanted to share with you, all about my experience with false friends. My sister recently came to me with a problem relating to fake friends and I told her all about my own experiences and I gave her my advice on how to overcome these situations and it was so lovely to see that my advice really did help her. So I wanted to share it here as well in case it can help anyone else if they’re having a tough time with a so called friend who really doesn’t act like much of a friend.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget when I fell in love with my boyfriend. I had this new person in my life and all I wanted to do was spend every waking moment with him. He was all I could think about. It didn’t matter if the time we spent together was sitting on the sofa eating ice cream and watching movies or if we were spending the day in town shopping and going to the cinema, I knew that I would be having the best time with the best person. I also don’t think I’ll ever forget how I had certain friends who made fun of me and who got mad at me for wanting to spend all my time with this person I was falling madly in love with. I remember it all very well, and I remember how hurt I was that my friends couldn’t understand this amazing thing that was happening in my life and couldn’t be happy for me. They hated that I’d rather curl up on the sofa and watch cheesy Saturday night TV with my boyfriend than go out in the freezing cold and pool our money together in the hopes of purchasing a cheap bottle of wine, or getting someone who looked much older than us to purchase said wine, and go and sit on the beach getting drunk. Sometimes we would go and join them and hang out together but most of the time we just wanted to spend time alone, and when I look back on that time or when I see people nowadays getting in to new relationships, it’s actually a perfectly normal thing to do. It’s just a shame that there are some people who will turn nasty towards you and will happily end a friendship with you because ultimately they are jealous that you’d rather be spending time with someone else. The first few months of a relationship are so precious, you’ll never get that time back with that person, and you’ll never feel the same way as when you do when you’re falling in love with that person, nothing else quite compares.

I was young when I met my boyfriend, I was a few months away from being 15 and he was 17 and I think that was the main reason why we both lost friends during the beginning of our relationships, our friends were also young. Not many of them had been in serious relationships or fallen in love, so realistically they couldn’t understand what we were feeling and why we picked each other over other people. Some friendships remained and that just goes to show who our real friends were! Teenagers are so fickle, always changing friends and friendships groups and when I think back to that time, I’m actually glad that certain friendships were lost because they obviously weren’t real friends, but my relationship has remained which just goes to show that our love was (is) the real deal and we have a small group of very close friends and our best friends, and we know that those few people would never treat us the way our former friends did when we were younger. Of course part of that is to do with maturing but at the time, when we were in our teens, a few of our friendships did last, because they were true friends at the time and still were/are now. Some people are just fickle and some people just aren’t real friends.

Now in no way am I saying that it’s the best thing ever to ditch all your friends the moment you get a boyfriend, but what I am saying is that for me, in my situation, I was falling in love and I had someone so special in my life that I wanted to share everything with and unfortunately I had friends who were horrible to me for that. At the end of the day I’m glad that I could see back then that those people were not worth the hassle and that I didn’t need them in my life. If you’re ever in a situation where someone who is supposed to be your friend or even your best friend  and they think it’s ok to talk about you behind your back, or make nasty comments to you, well those people are not worth your time and are certainly not true friends.

Your friends are supposed to be the people who you feel like you can share your life with, tell your secrets to and never be judged, share all your happiness together and laugh uncontrollably and not feel embarrassed when you snort. I’m happy to say that I can do all of that with the people I have in my life right now and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m sick of seeing fake friends who will talk about you behind your back, or who will blow hot and cold with you as it suits them and make you feel as if you’ve done something wrong. Those are not the kind of people who are real friends and so they should have no place in your life and that is exactly what I tell to my 14-year-old sister and that is exactly what I will say to absolutely anybody who is having a tough time with someone they thought was their friend. A friend is not someone who is horrible to you, says horrible things about you, or makes you sad. That is the opposite of a friend and just not a very nice person, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life. No matter what age you are, not all friendships last. People grow, people change, one day you might wake up and realise that there’s someone in your life who doesn’t better it but makes it a little worse which is no way to live your life.

Sometimes we (my boyfriend and I) look back at the situation when we were teenagers and we laugh, because nearly 8 years later and we’re still together and developing a real life for ourselves and planning a future, a future that we knew we were going to have when we were teenagers. I feel sorry for the people who can’t be happy for their friends when they have something as wonderful as a loving relationship, I feel sorry for the people who feel that it is acceptable to talk about a friend behind their back, I hope one day they are on the receiving end of fickle friends and can see how immature and nasty it is.

Never forget your own worth, never let anyone make you feel less than you are, don’t allow someone else to have that kind of control over your emotions, they do not deserve it. You deserve wonderful friends who build you up as a person, not try to tear you down. Always remember that people change and people grow up and can grow apart but that’s all part of life, the people who stay in your life throughout all of the changes are the people who will be there with you forever. 

Love, Chloe xo

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